Heterosexual marriages are experiencing high rates of sexlessness (25 to 50 percent).
Last year the stats were closer to the 25% mark.
I find these statistics scary but mostly I’m just sad for those that are stuck in the rut of sexlessness.
More often than not, in my experience when a relationship is sexless and not consensually so, there is a disconnect between the partners. One or both are feeling sad, hurt, betrayed or rejected by the other.
It’s an act of vulnerability to begin sieving through one’s lack of interest in sex to get to the root cause of it.
One of the first things you can bring awareness to if you’re lacking interest in sex is:
A) You’re not actually bothered about the actual act of sex.
B) If you’re not interested in having sex with the person you’re with.
This clarity and differentiation here is great information for moving forward.
If it’s more to do with the partner you have there can be a myriad of different reasons for low sexual desire.
Some common themes are: poor sexual communication (not being able to express what or how you want things), build up of resentment or unresolved conflict, loss of physical attraction and lack of emotional intimacy.
I urge you to dig deep, be honest and try to name the reasons behind your dwindled sexual desire.
Remember communication is lubrication.
Begin having the hard conversations.
There are so many beautiful frameworks to support couples in sharing the awkward, scary or tension causing topics more deeply so that each person can feel seen and heard.
When you’re both lit up from emotional connection, sexual connection can happen that much more easily.
If both you and your partner are happy with the frequency or infrequency of your sexual encounters that’s wonderful.
If it’s not a problem, it’s not a problem.
Based on data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz statistics I’m wagering there are more unhappily sexless marriages. The top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are three and a half times more common than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more common than “loveless marriage.”
I’m here waving my flag to reach those that are in that painful place of sexlessness by not making it a taboo thing to talk about or get help for.
Believe me, I know that place.
So for those that are finding themselves there, you’re not alone and the sun can shine again.
If you’re ready to take the plunge and get help book your complimentary 20 minute Discovery Call to learn more about your options moving forward.