4 ways to create more intimacy in less than 5 minutes


It’s easy to get into habits that leave us feeling disconnected from our partners. Life is fast and there is always so much to attend to. Our partners are often the last on our radar.

Here are 4 simple things you can do each day to begin refreshing your intimacy. The bonus here is that you can do almost all of these everyday in less than 5 minutes. If dedicating 5 minutes feels like too much, then just choose one. The important thing is to do something and make a new habit.


1. The 6 Second Kiss

This kiss can be like rocket fuel in rekindling desire and feeding intimacy. The theory* behind this kiss is that it is long enough to create a moment of true connection and long enough to make you both feel like it could lead to something more. This quickie packs a lot of power in it’s 6 seconds by flooding your bodies with all the feel good loved-up hormones of oxytocin and dopamine.

2. Hold Hands

Holding your partner’s hand creates feelings of safety, connection and closeness. It’s signaling to your partner that you care. Hold hands often; do it in public, while driving, eating dinner or sitting on the sofa. Anywhere and everywhere.I don’t know about you, but I can’t help but to absolutely gush when I see an elderly couple that still holds hands.

3. Hug Longer and More Often

We are biologically wired to be in connection and touched by other humans. Our animal bodies need this just as much as food and water. Hugging helps us feel less stress, boost our immune systems, feel less pain and most importantly feel loved. Hugging releases our cuddle hormone called oxytocin. There isn’t any conclusive research about how long a hug should last, but general consensus is that it should last for at least 20 seconds, be heart-to-heart and with medium pressure. Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” So get hugging that partner of yours!

4. Always Greet and Goodbye

It can be easy to take our partner for granted and forget to greet/goodbye them. Make a point when seeing your partner to greet them and when one of you is leaving be sure to say goodbye. I don’t just mean using your words and shouting at them as you exit either. Give them a kiss (great opportunity for a 6 second kiss) and/or a hug (20 seconds is really nothing). This simple gesture of remembering and acknowledging your partner physically can go a long way to paving the road back to each other.


If what you truly desire is more physical closeness with your partner, then consciously creating small moments like any of these suggestions is a great first step. Paraphrasing what Albert Einstein said, you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Make the first move towards your partner and see if it yields different results.


Get in on The Relationship Dojo’s foundational course to begin reclaiming the most powerful version of your relationship. Blue Belt, the essentials of connection, communication and coming together begins Thursday, March 17. For more details and to register click here. Spaces are limited. 

*The 6 Second Kiss theory is courtesy of The Gottman Institute.









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