Lockdown has been kryptonite to many relationships and general wellbeing. It has taken its toll on nearly every facet of our lives and unfortunately our romantic partnerships have not been immune to its powers.
Not only are more couples living on top of each other (that’s not an innuendo for something else either), there’s the added pressure of our homes being multipurpose spaces. Being cooped up together is one thing, but add in working from home and homeschooling children, we’ve been served a recipe for disaster.
Whether lockdown is pushing your relationship to uncomfortable thresholds or merely zapping the joy you once felt for each other, there are ways back to each other.
All robust relationships require effort.
To move beyond this lockdown stagnancy it will take curiosity. Curiosity is one of the single biggest factors to keeping relationships fresh and full of vigor. I appreciate it can be hard to remain curious about our partners when we can hear them pooping next door and every one of their annoying habits are displayed in technicolour before us. Can you pause, take a breath and look past those for just a moment?
Afterall, this is a human you love deeply. In this case, curiosity does not kill the cat. Being curious about each other, even in the mundane of everyday life will keep reminding you that there is more to learn and explore together.
Idea 1: Gamify
Instead of burying yourselves behind screens or binging on Netflix, try a version of the {THE AND} Game. This is a simple game where you each write 5 questions on flashcards. These questions can be silly, soul-searching or sexy. Place the cards on the table face down and choose one, taking it in turn to read and answer the questions. This is the important part, only listen to the responses. This isn’t the time to jump in and give your version of events or change the narrative.
Some great example questions are:
- What is one hurt of mine you wish you could take away and why?
- What does my love feel like?
- When did you first realise I was in love with you?
- Name 3 experiences/skills/things you’d like to have or learn.
- If you lived in a remote tribe, what would your role be? And tell me about your tribe.
If you’d like to see some heart touching moments and connections being made playing this game check out: The Skin Deep https://www.youtube.com/c/TheSkinDeep/featured
Idea 2: Lean In
There are always things in life we aren’t very good at or that don’t come naturally to us. It’s these very things that are low hanging fruit to our growth. Often in a partnership, you’ll each have different things you’ll excel at and be weak in. What would it be like to lean into those edges?
Two great examples of leaning in and having fun, which you can adapt are:
- Write poetry together. Hear me out, before you say ‘no way’. Each of you need to choose a body part of the other, without telling the other. Set a timer for 7 minutes. Use those minutes to write your clumsy masterpiece. When the time is up, take it in turns to read your poem to your partner and see if they can guess which body part it is about.
- Draw together. This is similar to the above. Each of you will need to find a photo you like of the other. Set a timer for 9 minutes. When the time is up, showcase your art.
Can you both get curious enough to try something new or novel together, even if one or both of you are crap at it?
Idea 3: Peel off your sweatpants
With each day feeling like Groundhog’s day, it’s pretty hard to find the enthusiasm to wear anything more than sweatpants. My suggestion is to peel them off and dress up. Adorn yourself and see how this can change your mood. There are many fun ways to play with this.
Some things to get you started:
- Hand write an invitation to your partner for dinner or drinks, making the dress code black tie.
- Have a fancy dress party with a great playlist for dancing around your lounge.
- Try doing something humdrum, like the laundry, in your lingerie. Who knows this could lead to a welcome change of temperature.
There are endless ways back to each other and the key ingredient is curiosity.
If you’re feeling stuck and are ready to overcome stagnant, uninspiring and predictable intimacy dynamics, then have a look at our Relationship Dojo Courses here.
[Post written for Evolve Wellness Centre and reposted by Jamie Lynn.]